March 10th, 2011 – εἰμί
Yesterday was a day for reconciling with God. I think we did alright. Shopping is a bitch now, though. Why do so many people insist on putting poison in their food? I know that the best way to eat food is raw, but do I have the patience?
I also went shopping for a theatre space today, as I will be producing a play this summer. That was fun.
Last year, around Halloween, I had begun rehearsals with an improv team from Houston. I knew right away they were something special, something that would bless me now and in the future. Said team has now disbanded, if only because the lineup has changed so much that only three persons were still from Houston. It is time to make a new band. It is also time to join disparate bands together and have my director invite them to audition for our new play.
Many years ago, I went to go see a play called Desert Pepper. In it, three murderers interact with one another and describe their dark personal histories through monologue. What I remember best is this- one of the murderers fell in love with a Gnostic. I had heard of Gnostics before- I had a very wide vocabulary as even a child. The library had always been one of my favorite places as a youth, and I had read about many religions and occult matters. But even as tiny me leafed through large folios depicting Durga keeping her sense of humor during apocalyptic battles, I suppose I never thought such things would one day apply to me. So I had usually never thought one way or another about religious matters. I only sought to manifest my will, which was fine, for a time. Anyway, it was during this play that I first heard Gnostics described as such:
They know that everyone has been or will be (is) everyone else.
It is a simple, beautiful way to think of reincarnation. What does it matter who I was or will be? I was or will be everyone, because I am always everyone. Now I am me. Like I said, I never used to read about religion and think any of it meant anything. It was only a couple of years ago that I thought reincarnation might be “real” at all. I was walking down the street, coming home from the store, full of thoughts I had been forming since reading books on the soul. I had only JUST begun to take this stuff seriously. At that moment, I was listening to some songs Luken had edited together specially for me- a unique version of Jesus Christ: Superstar that only we two have. He had enjoyed his mother’s record collection as a child and had decided to share this musical with me, editing all the best parts together into one version. As I walked down the street thinking and listening to Judas and Jesus serenade one another, I of course thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it just suck to have been Jesus or Judas in a past life?” Just think of all that would be attached to such a soul! And, at that moment, as soon as the thought had formed in my mind, a white dove flew just over my head, twirled once, and landed at my feet.FUCK YOU, DOVE… okay no. I smiled at him and went on my way.
I have reconciled with this too. As I was told in that play I saw years ago, I have been or will be everyone. Really, though I am inhabiting but four dimensions that I can perceive, I am everyone. Jimmy the Wizard agrees with me that all of us have been Christ because we are everyone.
After I saw the play, I went out for drinks with the director, the playwright, the actors, the designers, and so forth. The director bought me my first ever shot of tequila and asked me what I thought of his play. I told him I liked it. BOY, I wish I had been more eloquent. I would have so much more to say now! Like, actually compliment him on some directorial choice or another. Now I know. Now I may γνῶ.
The other day after I had attended a meeting about an upcoming arts festival, and the logistics we have at this stage as we prepare to go forward, I attended the subsequent mixer. Drinks were cheap as fuck if you had a festival wristband, so I was soon dancing into happy-fuzzy-land on high-quality liquor. As I sat at the bar I spoke with two young men who may be stagehands for the festival, and perhaps my stagehands too. They expressed interest in my project. I discovered that one of them was from Eugene, Oregon. We spoke of the beauty of our respective cities and had a good time.
At some point, this young man told me that he had been raised in both Catholic and Native American shamanic traditions. Well, so had I, so we began to talk religion. His rituals are traditionally Gaelic as well. We spoke of his Beltane experiences. I told him about Ganymede. He asked me why I liked Ganymede. I was not sure how to explain succinctly. (Ganymede chose me as much as I chose him. The reasons are varied and complex, and it is more just like we are destined to exist with one another because we always are existing with one another.) So he asked me about Ganymede’s domain. I told him he is the god of service- and service is the glory of God. For instance, our bartender was acting Ganymede’s part for us as he kept us pleasantly buzzed.
I told him that I had recently been trying to bring the warrior part of myself forward- we discussed the current “real world” war. He told me he had been an infantry soldier. He had tired of constantly waiting to die. He had tired of looking for death vigilantly with every step. I told him I would have wanted to be an infantry soldier, if not for the fact that I am prevented since I have a vagina- but we both agreed this war was not worth it. He told me that such was my current fate, to have a vagina and be incapable of fighting- not that there’s a war worth fighting now anyway. But he told me I should still pursue the way of the warrior- he told me that, in another age long ago and long forgotten, I would have been one of those desert warrior princesses leading a band of hundreds. I hope that last part wasn’t just inappropriate flirting.
I also tried to tell this young man that he is an eternal, divine spirit. He laughed and told me that, despite how often others (his actor friends I guess) have tried to convince him that he is a god, he will have none of it. I told him that I understood, and that he need not believe me until he has the scientific proof he so desires (which is difficult as “knowledge” does not grab hold of “divinity” very well), but, no matter what he may think, he is divine.
I think it is good to share the knowledge I have discussed in this and the last couple of posts. I think the more awareness we have of our own divinity, the more we will love one another. What is a good, positive way to share this knowledge? I think this video, featuring Jesse Jackson on one of my favorite television programs, Sesame Street, is a good strategy. He makes a lovely mantra for the children.