Wednesday, December 1st, 2010 Diary Entry – My guidance in a ritual.
My roommate decided a couple of weeks ago that he wanted to try the same ritual for veil-lifting again. This surprised me. This is not something one does recreationally. But he really wanted to do it, so I did not dissuade him- in fact I do not think he could have been dissuaded. I was not sure why he wanted to do this when he had won success last time- at least, so soon! Twice in two months! But like I said, I didn’t argue. He would have done it without me anyway, which could have been disastrous, so I offered to go with him and guide him.
Everyone would need a different sort of guidance during these rituals, I believe, but I am by no means the shaman my ancestors were. I’m not sure that I always have the answers when it comes to this guiding stuff. I haven’t been guiding medicine rituals, after all- I’ve never even tried stuff like peyote… I sort of wanted someone professional to guide ME, if I were to do that, you know? But, in the meantime, I do know this much: Love is the ultimate force, and if you can keep to the law of love, you should be alright. To guide, one must really offer the other soul unconditional love and comfort- they will need it as they traverse Hades.
Last time, my roommate called out for help. I had assured my roommate that he was not alone, that I was with him, that he was safe. This time, he did not cry out for help, so I suppose he was doing a little better. Instead, this was our conversation:
Roommate: Why… why… why can’t it be there?
He sounded a bit disturbed, so in order to assuage him I sought to discover what was disturbing him.
Me: Why can’t what be there?
Me: Why can’t anything be where?
Roommate: Anywhere. Why can’t it be anywhere?
Me: Why can’t what be anywhere? What is it?
Roommate: Me. Why can’t I be anywhere?
Me: You are on the roof. You are safe with me on the roof.
Roommate: I see you now. I see you. I can see you now. I know who you are.
Me: Who I am?
He seemed more amused than scared, now. As though he had figured out some great secret.
Roommate: I know who you are! I know who you are. I can see you now.
Me: Who am I?
Roommate: …that’s not cool!
Me: I am sorry; I was merely curious whom you thought me to be.
Roommate: I’m coming back now. Hold on. You should try this. No- you shouldn’t try this!
Me: Don’t worry; I hadn’t planned on doing this again for a long time.
He performed some, I don’t know, ecstatic moves or some such- I assume he was ek-stasis and his body was reacting to some other force. I was there to watch him. And then he came back. I told him what had happened on the material plane. After relaying our conversation, he told me that it all made sense. I asked him if I had done anything to offend when I had asked who I was- he said no. He said it wasn’t cool because as he had begun to realize who I was, he could not see himself as separate from me. As in, not a separate being. Which makes sense because one realizes oneness in such states. He said he thinks he got what he wanted, though, and does not want to try this again for a long time either.