Thursday, October 21st, 2010 Diary Entry – Don’t You Know Who I Am?
Sometimes one hears that question in Los Angeles. Or anywhere. As though that should earn one preferential treatment. Sometimes it does at least get unique treatment, and, I suppose, deservedly so, as it brings in more business. For example, one might get paid to go to one’s own birthday parties because that venue will do better business afterward. And some persons contribute so much that they are given special status- like VIP.
Sometimes it doesn’t deserve preferential treatment and it’s all just annoying. Sometimes when there are “A-Listers” around, it mucks up the whole process. Paparazzi are allowed far too much in proper society, in my opinion. They make everyone act like fucks and cause a need for bodyguards and unnatural, fear-based behavior. But, I guess so long as there are sleepers, this is necessary. I recently attended a party wherein two of these celebrity artists were wearing hats and glasses, a bodyguard was in the corner, and we weren’t allowed to use their real names or act like they were even there, according to the very depressing, snippy host, sooo I didn’t… but I guess those things don’t matter. It’s just that those people looked so serious and unhappy.
Now, sometimes people cause a situation to be more complicated than it needs to be. This also is negativity- in the following instance, involving latent hostility. The other day Luken and I used a back entrance to a theatre as we often do. There was a new house manager, who did not know who we were. She told us to leave and come back in through the main entrance because those were the rules. Luken told her who he was. She said he still needed to follow the rules. So, sure, okay, we left, went all the way around, and got in for free anyway because that’s how that particular theatre works with certain people. Luken informed the house manager that we had followed the rules, to let her know, and tried to let her know that, despite these rules, there are certain people who do always get in free- just to try to let her know about the custom so that she could work with it more smoothly in the future. She said, “Okay. You don’t have to be an asshole about it.” She had projected this negativity upon his plain information. I told her that he had done everything she asked, and that there was no need for name-calling. What we then didn’t get a chance to tell her was that she was probably going to encounter this situation a lot more at this venue. And she was probably going to make people angry at the inconvenience. That is for the universe to tell her when it happens, rather than us, because it would just cause more of a stir. Instead, Luken asked if they could make up, and offered his hand. She said, “No.” Can you believe that? Why would a woman act this way? Luken insisted, however- he did not want to bear her any ill will. And she consented after his second request. But I still think she might have caused a bit of a stir afterward… I hope everything turns out alright. Just because some people are assholes doesn’t mean that they all are. I don’t mean to say that Luken and I are better than those who pay and come in the front. It’s just part of the venue’s way. We’ve already paid our dues, so we get a convenience. And then this new girl comes out of nowhere, not understanding the rules yet, which is fine, but she had such attitude, and she also assumed the worst about us. It’s fine to stick to rules and make mistakes- VIPs can’t and shouldn’t really complain too much when rules are enforced, even if they normally get by them- but to insist on these rules even after you’ve realized their irrelevance, and to think that others are assholes… well, that’s just egoic violence.
I often deal with the same thing. Just because you’re a celebrity doesn’t mean you get a discount, if it’s not policy- no matter how much they try to argue with me or pressure me. I try to treat everyone the same, because I mostly don’t give a shit and will treat anyone as much like a special princess as I think they deserve. Yet other times I might deal with particular on-edge rock-star-wives or winery owners or Beverly Hills mothers or Saudi royalty or aging actresses I neglected to recognize (oops) more nicely than my aggravated colleagues, and accommodate these people with special treatment as much as possible if I can, because frankly, I know it will make me more money and everyone will be happier at less hassle. And then they all come around from their high-and-mighty omg-I-must-bitch-like-it’s-the-end-of-the-world attitudes they’d had with whomever they were working with before, and they praise me so nicely. I simply try to be both kind and fair, and I think people recognize this.
I once had someone in a team opposite mine try to “boss” me around recently, as someone on my own team told me. Though she was just a human as I was, neither of us above the other, and she was even speaking to me of things that were my own decision. I diffused the situation, and accepted her talking-at-me. This “bossy” woman later had a talking-to with a member of the directorial team, who said it wasn’t her place or decision, and that it was negative behavior anyway. Given said inspiration, this woman apologized to me. I forgave her instantly, but she insisted- she said it hadn’t been her place to say such things, that she hadn’t thought about them, that she was misdirecting anger, that she had no right. I said it was okay. She asked if she could do anything for me. I said just be aware of misdirected anger, and that I was glad we’d had this talk. The next day she brought everyone banana bread. Now didn’t that resolve nicely? With no need for either person thinking themselves to be superior. Just different.
Because no one is superior to anyone else. To think one is superior is all an illusion of ego. To reduce another even in thought, by any means, is egoic violence.