Wednesday, October 20th, 2010 Diary Entry – The Priest of Hermes
As promised, today’s topic will be the period of my life when I did not know what to do with myself. Specifically the beginning of this period. When I began to look for my Will, my Way. I had done everything I wanted and rather expected to be dead, except that I wasn’t. I still existed in this reality. I had to go on. I began to search, first, for a new path in life. If I did not necessarily want to act anymore (though I wasn’t sure; I only knew that it would pale in comparison to whatever my true path might be, if such a thing as a true path even existed) I had to look for something else to do with my time, yes? I just couldn’t decide what. Everything seemed as dull as everything else in this world, as far as I was concerned at the time. So I got lots of books- career books, but also magic books.
You see, whereas I had been merely a student of the mystical in the past, studying and studying, Ms. Objectivity, I had never been much of a practicing wizard… and, as my relationship with Luken evolved into something a little more pressingly real and beyond what I’d had I’d had before in this life, I realized that maybe he wasn’t so silly for calling himself a wizard who does magic after all. I began to do the same. I began to cast magic with the expectation that it would work, and it usually did- and if not, I knew why. Luken, in turn, became attracted to the magical potential he saw in me.
Yet, at the very very beginning, just after I had picked out these books- and had only just begun reading through them (I’d owned them for, at most, a day), and was not anywhere near being able to use the information inside, and was not doing purposeful magic with Luken yet- I had a very chance encounter. In the same area where I had bought the books, I walked into a store to pick up some materials for work. It is a store I very very rarely visit, and I don’t know why I did so that day, except that the store happened to be right there. As I shopped, I noticed something- or someone- I absolutely had not expected to see. Someone whom I had thought disliked coming there. But there he was, for his own reasons, and there I was. He was a priest of Hermes whose words I had heard before in life- and I had always enjoyed his message. Very much. I told him so, and we spoke of something relating to both Hermes and Dionysos before I left. The encounter has still not quite left me, though it was quite brief.
Even if I enjoyed this priest’s message that I had received in the past… I had never really realized what it meant. Until after that chance encounter. I don’t know how this encounter is related, fully, to the grander scheme of my life or this juncture of Will- only that it was very outstanding to see that priest that day. I have never spoken with him again, and I don’t know if I ever will. But he was serving for Hermes that day, that day I bought those books with the intention to begin life anew, and my world has been opening up and flowering in new ways ever since. I am looking at myself, the world, and God, in many new, wonderful, and even disturbing ways.
So, then, have I come to view this priest’s message differently. Before, I had only viewed it as one might view a poem: Beautiful, inspiring, but one might not know just what it means. I hadn’t cared what it meant… but ever since that day, it began to mean something new.
“I see Sophia waving to me from her Eighth Gate of Light – Ogdoad’s Heaven – encouraging me to witness Te-how’t’s transformation from Ammon to Hermes to HermAnubis and HermAphroditus. This is Hermes amalgamating with the Jackal for obtaining the power to guide us through the underworld realms of our unconscious mind, and his joining with goddess Aphrodite for spirit of feminine wisdom and renewal magic to guide us back to our whole selves.” – Introduction to Trismegistos, a poem by Lady BatChic.
Hermes, as the divine psychopomp, has a different message for every soul. And I suppose there are thousands of ways to interpret this priest’s message depending on which soul is receiving it.
As I moved forward through my journey, the message was a constant. Like a pretty painting I hung on the wall for added scenery on my travels. And sometimes, as I looked upon this message, and saw it in these new ways, I resented it too. I saw myself in it, in ways I felt uncomfortable facing. But I knew I had to. I had to man up. I had to be able to look at it.
Because Hermes is very capable of telling you the truth, even if you don’t want to hear it.
He says many things, though. Sometimes, the gods send messages which you know are false- as Zdeus once sent a false dream to Agamemnon. And then there are those invasive thoughts you just can’t stop. Often, my mind will try to think of the most inappropriate thought possible in a situation- often either disgusting or sexual or sometimes both- or, for instance, my mind might play out the delusional possibility of myself banging the person in front of myself over the head with that handy pipe just sitting right there….
But we know such thoughts are not who we really are. Even if they are very annoying and keep coming back… and the more you focus on them, the more they come back. The more I try not to think inappropriately about a message, the more I just may.
Which is why I hope I have not directed any undue negative energy towards this priest of Hermes. One should not harm the messenger. I doubt my negativity over his message had any real effect- at least I hope so. It is just that, when I cease to see the boundaries in the world and realize how we are all interconnected in this eternal existence, space and mind… just seem like tricky things to navigate. I want to love appropriately.
Since that brief meeting, I have dreamt about this man more times than I have dreamt of anything or anyone else except maybe my family, shopping, battle, and the theatre. Why might my subconscious force me to face him? Once in a dream I was looking over to my right at the people on the sidewalk- usually that sidewalk is full of Hispanic persons selling street goods. I looked at a man sitting there and my mind gradually made sense of the face, recognizing it to be this priest of Hermes, who was staring right back at me. As I recognized him, my expression hardened. I resented the fact that he would look upon me, or dare to be in my presence, I suppose- if I was not in a car before, I was then. And there was Luken, sitting in the driver’s seat and ready to immediately speed me away from this man. So this is how I feel… I know I feel negatively enough to dream about it, anyway.
So… just in case… I want to take this moment to apologize to this priest, and to Hermes himself, for any negative energy I may have directed towards them either in this life, or in any instance throughout eternity. I do want to accept angels in a way we can all get behind. I don’t know if this silly diary apology would stop the flow of negative energy regarding these two, or what they represent- if such a thing still exists inside me- but it should relieve at the very least.
We should be grateful to our Hermes. We should love him properly, I think. After all, if it were not for Hermes, Dionysos would not have realized his full divinity. Some say Hermes took the baby Dionysos to the rain-nymphs on Nysa, the Nysiads, after which Dio-nys-os may be named. The son of God from Nysa. This saved the boy from any more of Hera’s murder plots (at least until he was grown and she’d drive him insane, but that’s another story), and here on Mount Nysa he was nourished and became a full god. Thus is Hermes famously depicted by Praxiteles- bearing the god toward the nymphs and his divinity. The adorable-factor of his fatherly instinct, as well as the aesthetic beauty, may play into why the temple maidens kept the following statue so well-polished. Isn’t Hermes a dream, after all?