Thursday, August 26th, 2010 Diary Entry – Summertime Thank-Yous
I thought I’d better leave a little entry for Mars during August.
I have alluded to my relationship with Mars before, but I have never really discussed it in this diary. The only times I have really mentioned this relationship were in mentioning my celebrations or festivals for him. I think that is just fine; it is good to say that I am celebrating Mars. That I am thanking him and honoring him. However, I do not know that the rest of our relationship needs to be discussed at all one way or another- I do not know that anything needs to be said, and so I won’t say anything today.
The time has come this month to work with him again, and so I have been honoring him again. I will at least say that I have a similar attitude towards him as Dionysos in some regards- I have said before that my judgment of life if lacking Dionysos would be that it was far less enjoyable. Far less tolerable. Dionysos provides quite a lot in life for me to enjoy, and without him there would have been more drastic dissatisfaction. I feel this way about Mars as well. I would not ever want to live without him. Even if I know I must be unconditionally accepting.
I do not know if this is a holy time for others right now with Mars- I am terrible with calendars- I forget to use them about half the time. But no matter; sometimes the presence of a god is felt more strongly during certain parts of the year for different people, I expect. And this may even change from year to year. The heavenly bodies certainly do.
So, every time I celebrate Mars I try to do something different- I do follow traditional methods, but I try to make them new and modern each time. I know Mars likes new things. And lucky me to have Aquarian friends, too, who also like surprises. They are always up for some new crazy shit.
Here now, in August, I am also often thinking of Caesar Augustus, who of course named this month after himself. The first Roman Emperor: A man well-educated and well-born, inheriting much from his adoptive father- the second dictator Rome had, that is, Julius Caesar- and the power with which Augustus began wasn’t enough, of course. The failure of the Second Triumvirate was as predictable as the First, and Antony and Cleopatra just had to be removed. And then even Caesarion. Because two Caesars is one too many! Okay, so he was a man who had many faults, but even if he did kill poor Caesarion, God loves everyone. I don’t hate any of the Caesars; in fact, I rather like them, and I think this Caesar in particular was very favored by Mars. He did well and died peacefully. Also, the Roman people- and the Julii clan in particular- of course thought themselves to be descended from Mars by a holy virgin who was in turn descended from Venus and a Trojan prince.
I do believe Mars had quite a heyday in Rome. God, all those bloody crucifixions were overdoing it, weren’t they? I suppose we couldn’t resist. Well, Jesus did come for a reason too. It is just too bad we had to attract that sort of ending. It was not just because of Augustus and the other Caesars and Rome- it was the state of the entire human race, which is always evolving. I hope for the “better”. So far, though, we are still insane.
Here is a famous statue of Augustus- he is depicted as divine, though he never pushed this rhetoric as much as his successors would. You can see the divinity present, however- the bare feet, the solar, lunar, and auroral imagery, the subjected peoples, Apollo and Diana, and of course the sphinxes symbolizing the defeat of Cleopatra. Augustus deified his adoptive father, and then I suppose he deified himself and all those to come after him, through such careful association as in this statue. And Mars let him. Like Mars, Augustus is depicted with the child Love- and so he is the enlightened warrior bringing love to the masses through war. Though I don’t know that Augustus was very enlightened- he probably had another lifetime or two to go judging by things like murder.
Why do I like Augustus? Besides the fact he was a human who was so kind as to play this game with me? To be honest, I feel very close to him, because I have channeled him for some time now. I had never expected to do so. Then again, I don’t expect to channel most of my successful masks. Every once in a while, they just come out of nowhere to surprise and delight. Now, I won’t go into the details, but this has been one of the most pleasurable experiences of my life. I have been channeling Augustus, and my friend has channeled one of his victims, and I think this has been very healing for all four of us. Finally, their relationship evolves into love.
This four-way relationship even helped to bring me out of a very strange, dark moment in my life- a comedian, Tom Papa, once said that taking heroin was like being in a swimming pool full of puppies and they’re all licking you. I’ve never taken heroin, but I know what that feels like. When you expect the world to stop, but it can’t, and you sense individual atoms in the vibration instead. And like I mentioned I once had a dark moment during this- it is always startling when you notice how the vibrations of the countertop feel underneath your fingertips. And so I was afraid at first. And I felt vulnerable- like there were souls watching me in my most perverse moments, moments I did not even want to experience, or so I thought. But luckily for me, I had already had some experiences even more intense than this with Dionysos, and, after having lost consciousness briefly, I regained my faculties- and I knew how to climb out of the fear. I accepted my surroundings (even if I was bothered by thoughts of spies), I told my surroundings that I loved them, and I remembered how much I would like to return to my friend and Augustus. Strange to think that it would figure so strongly, but since it was such a positive force, I suppose it makes sense. Fear is easily conquerable, actually- even when the world is ripping apart at the seams. Because there is nothing to be afraid of. And remembering the relationship was so especially helpful because it was mine, my relationship, not just some entity I’ve never met spying on me while I’m naked. Such persons feel so alien I never want to stay around them for long; when we have not met it feels uncomfortable somehow. So the personalized nature Augustus offers was very helpful. He feels very comfortable to me. And so he is valuable to me.
This is just a small reference to all the wonderful times I have had. So, this month, I want to take this opportunity to say:
Thank you, Ganymede, for traveling with me through space.
Thank you, Dionysos, for the ability to channel and all the catharsis.
Thank you, Augustus, for playing the game with me.
Thank you, Mars, for all your gracious assistance in battle and more.