Friday, May 28th, 2010 Diary Entry
I have been encountering quite a lot of ego and shadow references from every side of life- in fact, the synchronicity is building up so much that there is almost no point in taking note of it so much as observing it. I will encounter something that seems like an almost identical reflection from moment to moment. So I will note a couple of things here for now.
I had been discussing ego and shadow with a “pagan” (who self-identifies as Hellenic Polytheist)- the second to shut down communication with me “for life” as he terms it; perhaps I will write more on that later if I feel it- and he was… well, I will use the word “defensive” only insofar as those of you who have read Tolle will know what it means. For the most part we were amicable. I was trying to work with him in communication- I would hope that, by my sharing with him, he would share with me- and he did tell me something I’ve heard many times before.
I am pretentious!
I used to have a boyfriend who would tell me that all the time- pretentious, pedantic, all the p words. Luken has often thought this as well… he knows it is not entirely my fault but says I should work on it. I suppose this part of the ego would be the part that says I’m plus and you’re minus so let me talk down to you and give you this so that you will be plus as well. So, how do I accept and love and transmute this part of my shadow? I hope that this is the last mask I have to learn how to take off… but Dionysos is, after all, eternal. I pray to him that he may help me to be able to strip away all that is not me. I pray he may help me to be able to remove my pretentious qualities so I might just Be and serve Him best.
This pagan believes in evil and that he must do good, and that by striving to fight evil he will, eventually, after a waiting period, be granted access into a pleasant realm after death. Those of you who have read Tolle or anything similar will know there is no real point in waiting and that Heaven is available now. Of course, I don’t believe he liked that bit- he believes only in plurality and in having-to-wait. He does not acknowledge the shadow.
I have indeed just read another healer’s blog who had just been reading Evil: The Shadow Side of Reality. No coincidence. Many other blogs have been discussing the shadow as well. I have also recently been watching Buffy: The Vampire Slayer in order with Luken, and, among other “coincidences”, we had just come to an episode in which a woman who has just realized that all this paranormal stuff exists says, “So you weren’t lying” to her lover, Giles, and Giles responds that it wasn’t ONLY him being pretentious. He said he was pretentious, but usually right. Hah! So obviously those of us who feel a connection with the source and with oneness are not so… unaccepting of evil, shall I say, but we all have our moments. Anyway, there are also those who are really committed to fighting themselves! And we have to accept that too. Even if they do not want to partake of the paradoxical reality entirely, but deny parts of it (and shut down communication, and put up ego walls when we could be sharing so much fun information instead). I suppose I made the mistake, as I did with the last pagan who did this, in thinking that he wanted to share. My bad again.
So, Ganymede, though to-day I ought to call you Dionysos- I’ll be going out tonight with Luken to a rather special channeling and healing ceremony about which I am very excited. So about that pretentious shadow. We Catholics have a saying- “Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and I shall be healed.”