Thursday, February 18th 2010 Diary Entry
No matter how much I understand the how what why whatever of things, I remain upset. Hum hum hum.
Why? I suppose much of it is disapproval of current affairs. By focusing on what I dislike, does that bring more? I saw that idea possibly evidenced in my dreams- I had gone to bed with the thought, “I wonder how much I can control things as I slip into sleep. Because I think I have preferences. I would rather not dream about certain things.” And I dreamed about at least a few of those things. Luken said that I have cast negatively far too often and occasionally tries to point it out to me.
Well, that seems slightly unfair. But if it’s the rules then I suppose that is how we must work. Well. We have always been working on improving our relationship, I suppose we could say. Yet that in itself contains- the idea of improvement… so what did we judge as worthy of improvement? It seems we have to at least take into account the negative… whatever… as we transform it. So where does one draw the line between focusing too much upon the negative and transforming it? I have been focused upon the negative because I want to transform all negatives into more pleasing obstacles, I would suppose- wouldn’t you say?
It seems, then, I attract the ugliness with the intent of beauty. Have I then created every invading, oppressing enemy? Those I meet by wishing not to meet them….
At any rate, at least I have the kind of energy that rushes in unafraid. If I had bothered to determine whether or not I ought to be afraid of something before doing it- well, what an uneventful life that would have been. I fear nothing in magic because I feel there is nothing to fear that does not exist already….
Well, time to go dance again Ganymede :)