Tuesday, February 9th, 2010 Diary Entry

What a lovely time we’ve had!  You’ve provided some wonderful feasts.  How am I supposed to get anything done with all these parties and all this channeling going on?  Today was fun too… bumping music and bright colorful lights and constant rhythmic circular movement.  I had fun with Shiva.

I should probably take a moment to mention that pretty much everything I say will be an exercise in ego… a catalogue of events connected with Kora, philosophizing upon herself and upon Ganymede, isn’t that so?  And I don’t mind.  I could try to speak without identifying, but for the purposes of this blog it might not be the best time.  I can’t just go around saying “am” all the time.  XD  But I can at least not push my amness above others.  Just you.  I am here in these entries to talk to you, Ganymede, as that is most appropriate.

Again and again Socrates’s quote is called into play lately.  I know that “I don’t know”… and so thereby I know.  We are fine with that, Ganymede.  Especially thanks to Dionysos… or perhaps it was his maenads.  It was that kind of energy, anyway (look, more identification).  Not to say that there weren’t other helpful portions… but point is, I talk to you about certain topics, Ganymede, instead of others.  To be eternally the newb and at the same time a perfect unique snowflake son of God- but I am using the ego as a tool with you nonetheless.  You are the best receptacle for complaint.

I am, of course, again going to attempt to love only, still (when I can remember)… haha if one loves one’s demons unconditionally, negatives would go away (as easily as adding -1 to 1 makes 0).   But I’m clumsy anyway- I love but it is not true love- I don’t love your dirt, but I love you theoretically.  Yet there is always something in me that says, “I would love you more if we were not merely watching the world hate itself”.  How paradoxical.  Love is the only cure (as Crowley, Jesus, and therapists are wont to say).  How difficult it is to transmute.  Especially when one does not trust one’s demons.  Yet one is always with them, so I continue to offer vulnerable high-fives in resentment- and well, that’s because I don’t really expect the world to ever return it.  And so you are my receptacle.

But we’ve been doing better with that.  Of course, this might just be a bump on an Aristotelian  parabola.  There is now nothing but this bump, but I’m not stupid.  You’ve shown me plenty of valleys before, and there is always one in view.

Watch out, or God’s hand will come down and smite thee in punishment for not meeting your evolutionary deadline!  XP  Seriously, I see right through this.  We can do better than that fearmongering and oppression.  It is boring.  I do not want to insult you for what you have chosen to give me, Ganymede.  But srsly.

Unless there’s something I still haven’t remembered yet.  Oh well.

You go enjoy your smoke while I enjoy this nice painting and perhaps some channeling afterward.

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~ by korakaos on February 10, 2010.

2 Responses to “Tuesday, February 9th, 2010 Diary Entry”

  1. While for you it may clearly be that pushing out whatever love (fake or real) towards the bad/faulty parts of your self/community is good, mind that your self/community may not feel the same way. I don’t really know. But I’ve had enough people push their fake love toward me in an attempt to ‘heal’ me that now, at this moment, I am rejecting all of it, and all of them. They are poisonous people, pushing my ego and heart higher than it should have gone before it should have gone there, only to warn me when I began having doubts about them that their love was transitory, dependent upon my own love. Tell me your love is transitory and I have only one response: get away from me and stay there. Food for thought, Kora.

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