Monday, February 8th 2010 Diary Entry
Again with the cursing. Just trying to be honest. I know complaining, again, is not constructive. I don’t know if it matters that anyone should know that I know that. But I do and I’m writing it down. And you seem to be the best receptacle, Ganymede. I’d rather not do so with living human beings separate from myself. It is not that I do not feel as such. It is just that they do not respond well to that kind of energy. I can’t imagine that it would help you to function either, however, things are as they are and I feel like talking. And you know you liked watching your predecessor. Who wouldn’t?
Things we like to watch! Like paintings. I like paintings and I like what the thing with my namesake does XD I tend to enjoy our reality a little more with that thing, sometimes. I wish I could enjoy it more often.
Oh. I heard another bit in that Oprah interview which I think is very interesting taken along with the notion of goetia. She mentioned what she thought her soul looked like and said something like “everything she sees”. It is at least something, Ganymede :P And I’m having to watch mine. But like I said- with my namesake thing I feel much less prone towards cursing. How strange. I know that ideally we should be able to effect such existence always.
Ah, you just gave me the chance to test whether or not I would be honest about my feelings. I felt like denying something that was said. There was no proof. But I didn’t want to bring the other person down with my opinion, because I knew it would be pretty much viewed as a complaint. And like I said, Luken and the others vehemently disagree that there is anything to complain about. So I left it alone.
I suppose there is no need to complain. Nothing worse will happen to me if I do not do it, for now. So I hope that it’s alright letting the others think what they want without my side being known. I do not want to appear ungrateful, Ganymede. But I still think we could do better. And besides that, even if the ego is pretty much unimportant, mine is very tired and bored with its existence.
I just would prefer a different picture here, you know. This one feels icky. I do not understand why nor how one surrenders to that when we could be having a good time with each other instead. We do. Often. But it feels as though it pales in comparison to what we could do- harmony all the time! I feel like we should be perfectly capable of keeping ourselves satisfied enough and loving enough not to want to complain about reality ever, but rather, live each moment as we wish. Not sick or any other things wrong with this place. Ah, I’m still not accepting you. :P
Hm. I read about someone who almost seemed to be saying that some people are approaching Judaic and Christian religion (and I’ll use quotes around their terminology) in an “Oriental” way instead of the “Judaic and Christian” way they were… apparently formed. I’m not quite sure what to think of what this person was saying. Since all is one, Judaism and Christianity are really no more different ultimately than any other religion. They do, however have “separate” idioms. So then, do they mean that by, say, practicing Christianity through yoga instead of through weekly wafers, because yoga has traditionally been associated with Indian religion (though Dionysos undoubtedly has always partaken of such measures too, call it yoga or not, that’s why I mention this in particular; you’ll see more about that after a bit with other posts) and wafers are associated traditionally with Christian ceremonies, that such persons who claim to be of the Christian cult while practicing yoga are immoral? This person… hmm… at least thought it indicated lack of research. And said they ignored moral obligations. XD I am really not sure what this person’s point was other than that he or she seemed to think that it pointed to a lack of study within “modern” practitioners of magic, and I think maybe he or she took offense to this assumption?
You know, we are modern insofar as none of us are old enough to remember the days when such religions formed, except the most recent. And we must, again, keep in mind Socrates’s quote, “I do not know”. Especially because we each have different idioms. Reading the entire dictionary to get a good grasp on vocabulary is excellent, but one does not need to be well-read to have gotten by in life. You read the parts which you need to read for the present moment, at the very least. I have studied religious/spiritual matters beyond the one into which I was initiated for over a decade now, and I don’t think that even if I studied for several more decades I would ever lose the feeling of being a “newb”. “I do not know”. I have read a good deal more than many humans about this topic, but perhaps those who choose not to read just… don’t care to cast certain kinds of spells, certain kinds of idioms with their lives. So what if one person chooses to summon a demon with homemade goatskin parchment and one does not, but instead chooses to achieve another end and to repeat a mantra or something else? The only problem is when we get our wills all in a kerfuffle, because I really rather don’t enjoy how we hurt each other so much. So then, should I study more so I can find the button to press for utopia? :P That is the only spell I cannot seem to look up… or rather, perhaps I have and, while living now, I choose to survive in another way.
I have grown up with Dionysian traditions and Catholic traditions. Through Luken I also found Hindu and “Oriental”… (what an odd word. Mooshing all of that up into one word… it’s often not pretty :P) forms of worship and have accompanied him in such often. I have studied but I haven’t studied everything. I practice what I like that I know. There is only so much time during the day to alleviate “ignorance”- but I am not at all worried about my relationship with the divine. There is no reason to feel insecure about that. Like I said, the only notion of which I am afraid is that I always have to watch this non-utopia eternally :P And I’m working on it gradually. And I know how to work with you, Ganymede, in that context- though it seems to be a bit of slow going. Well. I am the studious type. I have read medieval texts (sometimes in a copy of their original, nearly illegible format), which this fellow seemed to think were important- to relieve this apparent “lack of research” and” ignoring moral obligations”- though honestly I’ve not read that many; I have usually preferred older texts. But I am none too worried about the people who haven’t read such things. I want them each to find their relationship with their divine (and to stop fucking up the place, but again, I’m the one claiming it’s not utopia). If they don’t find that relationship… well, how much room do we have to say they are “immoral”? It seems very easy to at least say it with the violent and oppressive persons. But we are still each… I dunno. I’m not going to say I agree with Socrates in that no one does anything evil… but I might pretty much be agreeing. It’s just hard to agree with him when we feel icky about things.