Sunday, February 7th, 2010 Diary Entry
What an odd dream I had last night. And after a pseudo-first-time experience before I went to bed. Very disconcerting, what we did together! Yet at the time I think I was enjoying myself o__O And I certainly thought about my true self while I was dreaming… and I’m not sure I really liked what I saw, even then. Oh well- I was only half lucid. I wrote it down in my dream journal… I should probably start uploading those into here. There’s just so many other things to finish I haven’t got around to it yet.
So! Ganymede… I have been thinking about how some people have advised being very respectful with demons. And I can see why they say that. Both because demons are powerful, and, besides that, it is always good to exercise love. Of course, while thinking about that I was also quite aware of all the times I have cursed you or other beings. God in general. And I am always aware while I am doing it that I should probably not be doing it. Because it’s always good to love, and, if I withhold something from you, you withhold it from me. Of course, I always do it feeling that you have withheld from me in the first place… the way I look at it is like this: I don’t want to be walked all over. Whenever I’m of the opinion that God is a torturous tyrant, I am rather prone to curse. Why should I put up with something for two decades like a doormat? That’s how I feel. And I honestly don’t want to be the kind of servant that puts up with all that. I had said how I would be happy to serve- but after you’ve been a doormat for so long, you get upset. I don’t think I deserve to lord over anyone- that’s not what I want. I’m just upset at my reality. I should say that we could do much better than this- but then again, I don’t know if you agree. I think you want things to be better. So I guess from what you’ve said. And I wonder if you ever get as moody as me- well, probably not because you need a body to be moody. It is only in my body (and the other players’ bodies I suppose) that you feel moody. Well, you always know that I don’t really want to curse you. I think you must have the best for us in mind… but remember those merry-go-round creatures!