Sunday, February 7th, 2010 Diary Entry

What an odd dream I had last night.  And after a pseudo-first-time experience before I went to bed.  Very disconcerting, what we did together!  Yet at the time I think I was enjoying myself o__O  And I certainly thought about my true self while I was dreaming… and I’m not sure I really liked what I saw, even then.  Oh well- I was only half lucid.  I wrote it down in my dream journal… I should probably start uploading those into here.  There’s just so many other things to finish I haven’t got around to it yet.

So!  Ganymede… I have been thinking about how some people have advised being very respectful with demons.  And I can see why they say that.  Both because demons are powerful, and, besides that, it is always good to exercise love.  Of course, while thinking about that I was also quite aware of all the times I have cursed you or other beings.  God in general.  And I am always aware while I am doing it that I should probably not be doing it.  Because it’s always good to love, and, if I withhold something from you, you withhold it from me.  Of course, I always do it feeling that you have withheld from me in the first place… the way I look at it is like this:  I don’t want to be walked all over.  Whenever I’m of the opinion that God is a torturous tyrant, I am rather prone to curse.  Why should I put up with something for two decades like a doormat?  That’s how I feel.  And I honestly don’t want to be the kind of servant that puts up with all that.  I had said how I would be happy to serve- but after you’ve been a doormat for so long, you get upset.  I don’t think I deserve to lord over anyone- that’s not what I want.  I’m just upset at my reality.  I should say that we could do much better than this- but then again, I don’t know if you agree.  I think you want things to be better.  So I guess from what you’ve said.  And I wonder if you ever get as moody as me- well, probably not because you need a body to be moody.  It is only in my body (and the other players’ bodies I suppose) that you feel moody.  Well, you always know that I don’t really want to curse you.  I think you must have the best for us in mind… but remember those merry-go-round creatures!

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~ by korakaos on February 8, 2010.

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